i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
