Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
