A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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