I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
