Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
