I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
