It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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