Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
