All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
