Your dad touched me again.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
