I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
