this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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