My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
