just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
