Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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