he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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