so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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