did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
