Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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