Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
