the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
tell your sister to shave her snatch
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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