Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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