Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
there is puke in my bra ... again
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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