last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
