Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
