he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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