do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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