You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
