so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
