why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I love you.
Bad choice
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