The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sorry about my life...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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