My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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