Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize