dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
