Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
