I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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