Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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