I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize