I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
