like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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