Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
