if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
