Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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