my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Who died my cat blue again?
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