I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
