I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
