Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
