What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
