did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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