Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
