So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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