the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
