So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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