So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
