At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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