Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
