On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
