I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
