why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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