I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
