My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
