So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
