If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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