im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize