I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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