She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
