Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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