I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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