Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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