Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Randomize