I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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