I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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