just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
