he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
