Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
