I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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