If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
