There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Semen is not good for contacts.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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