he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Found the puke drawer
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
