So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
