Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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