this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
