She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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