yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I need water and some morals
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
