my mouth tastes like poor choices
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
