Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
His nipple licking is glorious
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