I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
