ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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