Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Randomize
