I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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