Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
