I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
