This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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