so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
