I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you have to choose: penises or morals?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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