you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize