Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
