the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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