i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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