wat bout pragnant strippers??
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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