You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
