You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
