Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
