I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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