I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
