I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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