She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize